Monday, June 6, 2016

I'm A Mess

This is a hard thing to admit to the internet. Especially an internet full of Pinterest perfect photos and clean, white spaces.

My name is Jamie and I'm a mess. 

Ever since I can remember I have been what I like to call organizationally challenged. You could also call it messy or the opposite of tidy or having a natural proclivity towards having things in disarray.

I don't know if it was revolting from my mom's EXTREME cleaning ways (honestly I do think she had some sort of OCD about cleaning because of her own childhood but that's a story for another day) but when left to my own devices I'm a mess. The only time in my life I can remember consistently keeping things tidy was because I lived at home and my mom MADE me (but lols to how clever I got about hiding my mess to give the appearance of clean). My sister and I had to clean for HOURS (like literally most of the day) every Saturday, our rooms and bathroom had to be picked up every day and all sorts of other various cleaning things happened. True story, I was once grounded because I left a piece of paper on the floor of my room -- and it wasn't even a full piece of paper it was that crap on the end of your paper when you pull it out of a notebook.

So maybe when I'm left to my own devices I'm just not inclined to be tidy because I'm rebelling against years of strict cleaning or maybe I'm just down right messy to my core.


Read: MESSY, not dirty. Big difference.

Ever since I was younger and especially now as an adult I have always come up with so many plans of attack to Be Neater and Keep It Clean. I'm armed with my sharpies to write cleaning schedules. I read all sorts of listicles from the internet and magazines to help me Become More Organized and Keep the Clutter Away. I'm all jazzed up to create Systems That Work. I'm Tossing and Recycling and Minimizing My Stuff. I'm Marie Kondo-ing the shit outta my life.

And everything, no matter how much gusto is propelling me forward, I fail. The clutter piles up. The systems last two days. The disorganization comes back full force. The energy to keep it up flees. And the mess is back and I feel like a failure -- like I'm never going to have this neat space I dream of.

And the thing is I REALLY DO WANT THAT in my heart of hearts. I don't want the perfect perfectness I see online but I want a space that I'm not like "OH SHIT OMG I NEED TWO DAYS TO CLEAN UP SO NO YOU CAN'T JUST DROP OVER TODAY."

I really do feel less stressed out and even happier when my place is neat and organized. I just don't know how to make it stick in a way that doesn't involve me hiring someone to come clean my place or like cleanse my brain or hypnotize me to make me less messy or like 50 bajillion hours a day of cleaning.

I've tried Marie Kondo.
I've tried books that help with organizing all aspects of your life.
I've tried every Pinterest list, every blog list, every trendy method.
I've tried schedules.
I've tried it all and I can't make it stick.
It just always gets out of control.

It's like my brain just doesn't speak organization or something. Or maybe I just haven't found the RIGHT thing in my search. Maybe there is something out there for the messy at heart? Or maybe I just choose not to prioritize it even though I WANT it to be a certain way?

All I know is that I am trying to #adult and keep a semi tidy home and I feel like I'm failing so hard.

I would LOOOOOVE your best tips or resources or books that maybe would help me. Please tell me how you keep your space neat and organized! Or come commiserate with me if you struggle! I NEED SOMETHING TO STICK.

16 comments:

  1. FlyLady worked for me. Sure, she's just as much about cleaning as about tidying up, but her tricks really worked for me. I'm still far from where I'd like to be, but I'm a lot closer than I used to be.

    Her website is a bit overwhelming (or at least it was last I checked it out), but I recommend her book, "Sink Reflections" by Marla Cilley.

    Best of luck!

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  2. It sounds like maintenance is the culprit. I like to do short bursts of cleaning. 15 minutes in the morning to empty the dishwasher. 15 minutes before my husband comes home to clean the kitchen. 3 minutes to make the bed after my shower. I do my laundry on one day each week. The junk mail goes directly into the trash as it comes into the house. I have a few trouble spots (like where I dump my stuff as it comes in the house). I spot clean that every couple of months. So, I don't do a lot of huge cleaning--just small spot cleaning and a routine for the daily chores.

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  3. I'm still terrible, but I have found that I do better the more I can organize in plain sight. If something gets put away behind a door I will forget where it is next time I need it and make a mess trying to find it. Once a mess exists it grows.

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    1. Something else that's been surprisingly effective (when I remember) - pickup/clean when food is cooking. Seriously if I just pickup for 90 secs while the microwave is running rather than sitting back on the couch it's amazing what gets done. Don't even get me started on what can be accomplished in the 9 min a pizza is in the oven.

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  4. Have you read The Happiness Project? I really liked it because instead of conquering everything, Gretchen creates small tasks to help her become happier. Maybe instead of thinking about every single thing, you just create smaller projects, one at a time?

    That said, it is okay to be a little messy. I think you can embrace who you are and not pass judgement. Instead of seeing it as a negative, accept what it is and then try do things slightly differently if you wish they were different.

    Good luck!

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  5. oh goodness. Me too. I'm right there with you.

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  6. All I have for you is that commiseration. About all of us. Our cleaning days were Friday, which meant that I HATED having three day weekends that fell on Friday, because then we were cleaning all day instead of just all afternoon. Beds were made every morning, the whole house vacuumed and dusted every week, bathrooms scoured weekly, etc. Two of my sisters continue to be that organized, and two of us are not. But all four of us tend to pile papers on every horizontal surface. The only good part is that I never feel horrified if one of them stop by. And I find having messy friends to also be a comfort. I have a couple of friends that can only come over if I have plenty of lead time to clean up--or at least hide the mess.

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  7. One of the lifestyle blogs I followed talked about the "two minute rule" that has made a huge difference for me so far. I'm not sure if it's included in the Marie Kondo thing or not so maybe this won't help.. but basically if something takes less than 2 minutes to do, just do it. For example: hanging your jacket up instead of leaving it on the chair, throwing away the dinner trash or filling the dishwasher, etc. Basically, do it right away if it doesn't take long. It helps things stay less cluttered overall. I always just leave random crap on tables because I hate sorting mail. But, if I just sort the few pieces of mail each day, I don't have to spend an entire afternoon sorting through it!

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  8. Maybe hire a housekeeper once every few months to get things under control and motivate you to keep it that way (ie, I am spending "xxx" dollars, I better not waste it!). I know it seems extravagant, and probably is a little bit, but if you can afford the occasional splurge it might be worth your sanity!

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    1. And if that's not your thing, I'll just set the timer for ten minutes and do whatever I can. If you can do that even twice a day you'll be surprised at what you can get done!

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  9. I read the Tao of Martha and it was amazing. It doesn't necessarily teach you how to organize so much as help out with figuring out what's important to be organized about and what isn't.

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  10. I'm also messy end disorganised and it's a treat I ABHOR in myself. I'm just beginning to come out of my own stuckness. I have another friend exactly the same, and we take it in turns to do blizes of each others' places. Believe me, it SO MUCH easier to do it with easier, and even fun, to do it with someone else.

    Can you think of anyone along those lines?

    As for the perfect lives on Pinterest; they're not real. B******s. Who lives like that? And who want to? Yoiu shouldn't feel embarrassed for it, and if you are, it!s a collective embarrassment.

    Don't be so hard on yourself.

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  11. This post fits me very well (although my Mom wasn't quite that bad). What I do (when I am being good), is put everything that isn't in it's spot into a pile (according to which room it belongs in) in the evening. Then in the morning, I put the piles away. I find that splitting it up like that helps it feel like less of a chore.

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  12. I'm the same, I have a really hard time making myself tidy up. The thing that now sorta works for me is that we do have someone who cleans our home every two weeks and the evening before I just tidy everything up, so it gets done at least every other week and doesn't pile up like it used to. And the thing about tidying things while your food is in the oven/microwave works for me as well, I've been unloading/loading the dishwasher while waiting for things to heat up (or for the kettle to boil etc) and it doesn't feel like a big thing to do someting like that because else you're just waiting, so not doing anything useful. But I'm naturally a messy person as well and I would love if people could just come over anytime, but I really need some advance warning. Except when it's my best friend, cause we used to live together and I don't feel like I have to hide it from her. But otherwise I like to keep up the impression of at least somewhat tidyness and adulting going on.

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  13. I'm the same, I have a really hard time making myself tidy up. The thing that now sorta works for me is that we do have someone who cleans our home every two weeks and the evening before I just tidy everything up, so it gets done at least every other week and doesn't pile up like it used to. And the thing about tidying things while your food is in the oven/microwave works for me as well, I've been unloading/loading the dishwasher while waiting for things to heat up (or for the kettle to boil etc) and it doesn't feel like a big thing to do someting like that because else you're just waiting, so not doing anything useful. But I'm naturally a messy person as well and I would love if people could just come over anytime, but I really need some advance warning. Except when it's my best friend, cause we used to live together and I don't feel like I have to hide it from her. But otherwise I like to keep up the impression of at least somewhat tidyness and adulting going on.

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  14. We are the same. I'm a mess too. My hubby is OCD, so it causes some issues. I've recently been able to limit my mess to my office where he can't complain bc I can close the door so he doesn't have to see it. But I am all about ideas, lists, attempts to organize but I fail. So I'm with you on needing help too! You're not alone! :)

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