This Top Ten Tuesday is all about covers we'd like to redesign for whatever reason. I knew that I had to have a special guest Top Ten Tuesday for this...allow me to introduce you to Capillya of That Cover Girl -- a blog dedicated to YA book covers! She knows her stuff and is one of my all time favorite people in the world!
Dearest Darling Works of Cover Art,
I have some heartbreaking news. Yes, for all ten of you, I’m afraid.
Ever heard the saying, “It’s what’s on the inside that counts”? Oftentimes that phrase is endearing, insightful, and promising. Sadly, that very same phrase doesn’t hold a lick of truth in what I’m about to tell you. Because sometimes what’s on the outside counts too. Call me superficial. Call me judgmental. Call me the biggest cover art snob in the world.
I’d be okay with that.
You’re probably wanting some answers, I guess. Why me? Why do you find me so repulsive? Was it something I said? Was it because I wore those tie-dye leggings with my favorite sweater vest that one time?
Yes, yes, a thousand times yes. Here, I’ll even go into a little more detail to set the record straight, for each and every one of you.
I’m embarrassed to be seen with you.
1) Going Too Far (Jennifer Echols)
Your heart said all the right words. You made me all gushy over your love interest, that Officer After. (Gah he was such a tortured gentleman.) But your face? And those other faces?! Your emotions were right, spot-on in fact, when it came to the tone of your story, but I couldn’t bring myself to purchase you at my bookstore. I had to wait until an unmarked box showed up at my office, and it was only then (after I’d closed my blinds and locked my door) that I could even bear to look at you.
Oh, and it looks like Johnafter is about to eat Meg’s face. I didn’t appreciate that, either.
2) Perfect Chemistry series (Simone Elkeles)
I don’t understand your obsession with people on the verge of or in the middle of making out. I feel like I’m interrupting something and invading someone’s very personal space. And good grief, why are so many of them wet on the cover? Oh, wait, let me guess, a couch or leaning against a wall or wherever teens make out nowadays is just too boring, right?
You just…gah, too much PDA. Get a room, star-crossed lovers.
3) Every Mass Market Paperback Romance Book in the Universe
Okay, so there may be a little more than ten of you. But really.
4) Bridget Jones’s Diary (Helen Fielding)
I understand you’re supposed to look like a diary. I understand that your surprised eyes and mouth are supposed to be quirky and cute. But you know what? You completely freak me out. In fact, I’m going to move on quickly so I don’t have to look at your bizarre book-face for much longer.
5) The Great Gatsby (F. Scott Fitzgerald)
I know you’re one of the most recognized and celebrated pieces of cover art in American literature. I know you’re almost a century old and your story is a timeless work. But I can’t help but think that deep down in the hearts of millions of your readers that they were all kinda creeped out by your floaty eyes, too.
You talk too much.
6) Little Brother (Cory Doctorow)
I’ll have to admit, you were pretty impressive at first glance. You were mysterious, different, and I kinda fell for your binary code.
Then you started talking. A lot. In fact you talked so much and so loud that I couldn’t tell who had originally created you, the authors who blurb’d all over your cover or your own author. There were too many voices competing, which left me feeling confused. And the few brain cells that were left in my head from a long day of work weren’t up for the challenge, unfortunately.
You’re too young for me.
7) Lovestruck Summer (Melissa Walker)
The term “young” is relative, of course. I get it that you’re cute and fun. And sure, I’m in my late twenties, I know I’m not your target demographic (teenagers). And while I can’t speak for a teenager nowadays, 16-year-old me wouldn’t take a second glance at you. I would’ve turned up my nose and boxed you up with my Lisa Frank stickers. You’re on par with my love for Hello Kitty (I don’t love her). You’re just too pink and girly.
You kinda get around.
8) North of Beautiful (Justina Chen Headley) and 9) Evermore (Alyson Noël)
I like my cover art to be original. But when I see you shacking up with other novels, it diminishes your sparkle, sorry. Sad thing is, I’ve heard wonderful things about the both of you. But I’ve come to refer to you as “the purple blonde-girl book” and “the sunny blonde-girl book.” Neither of you exactly jump off the shelves, and I can’t help but constantly compare you to…well…yourselves.
You flaunt your crotch a little too much.
10) Three-way tie between That Summer (Sarah Dessen), Swimming Sweet Arrow (Maureen Gibbon), and I’m Not Her (Janet Gurtler)
Do I really need to explain this incessant need to not see your hoo-ha? Yeah, that’s right, I bold-italicized that not because OMG WHAT WAS YOUR MOTHER THINKING. Have you no manners? No dignity? You may just be thinking to yourself, “Oh, my cartwheels and back-flips are all fun and games! Don’t take it so seriously!” Yeah, well, it’s all fun and games until you’re frozen in time and people will start judging me because I’m hanging out with That One Cover Who Gives Everyone 100% Eyeball Access to Her Crotch.
Yes, sometimes it’s what’s on the outside that counts. Your insides may be full of beautiful prose, and comprised of the most lovely of languages that I’ve ever read. Your characters may be engrossing, your plot heart-pounding, and your dialogue razor sharp. But your face?
Honey, you’re going to need a makeover before I even consider dating you.
Thanks Capillya for your AMAZINGLY HILARIOUS post! :)
NEXT WEEK THE TOPIC IS -- TOP TEN BOOKS I'D LIKE TO SEE MADE INTO MOVIES
I felt the same way with Going Too Far...I just felt embarrassed to be carrying the book around school so I haven't read it yet but I'm going too! I've actually never noticed the similarities of North of Beautiful and Evermore hmmm.. I'm not sure if I'm going to post a top ten this week but I love seeing them! Great list and maybe I'll think of enough covers and participate :)ReplyDelete
Loved your explanations! I never notice the blond and purple girl.ReplyDelete
Yara @ Once Upon a Twilight
LOL - I have to admit, there are some books that I wouldn't be caught dead reading...in public. All because of the covers. :)ReplyDelete
LOL, great list! I have to admit, I hate covers 4 and 5 too! Creepy floating faces are creepy!ReplyDelete
I haven't decided if I'll participate this week or not yet, but I wanted to say:ReplyDelete
I NEVER realized that North of Beautiful and Evermore used the same stock until JUST NOW. Wow! They look totally different despite being the same! Great catch!
Some book covers look funny to me. By the way I can't see where to add my link. So it's here:ReplyDelete
My Top 10
The "crotch-flaunting" ones are hilarious! I do really like the Great Gatsby cover, though.ReplyDelete
Wow! I never noticed the Evermore and North of Beautiful cover models were the same! And the same picture at that!ReplyDelete
Who is responsible for this?
Thanks I found where to put the link.ReplyDelete
Someone really should have been yelled at for using the same photo of a girl on two YA covers within the same year-ish. Did they really think we wouldn't notice? Way to be cheap.ReplyDelete
That last set made me laugh so hard! Fantastic!ReplyDelete
I actually only had two covers that I wanted to redesign. I had a hard time thinking of any others that really bothered me.ReplyDelete
Although, as a guy, I really hate the covers of romance novels. If I actually read them, I would have included them.
I picked Bridget Jones's Diary as well! So creepy!ReplyDelete
I have the Bridget Jones One and Put Mills and Boons in General and I actually liked the North of Beautiful Cover but didnt notice until now the similarities to Evermore.ReplyDelete
The Evermore cover - the girl is on another cover too. TYSM for pointing that out, it's been bugging me for ages!ReplyDelete
And I don't understand why second time round a book with a beautiful cover comes out with something that just doesn't do it justice?!ReplyDelete
Heck yeah, C$, we got some of the same ones on our list. PERFECT guest post for you <3ReplyDelete
Love this post! Thanks for sharing.ReplyDelete
Fitzgerald liked the Great Gatsby cover art so much that he wrote it into the book, leading to those memorable and haunting passages about the billboard in the "valley of ashes" in between West Egg and New York. Of course, those passages also don't seem to fit with the rest of the book, so your point stands.ReplyDelete
That last set of three get my vote as well, though the middle one is by far the worst. Thanks for including the Bridget Jones cover which I've always hated.ReplyDelete
My vote for cover redesign would be the mass market paperback copy of The Blue Castle by L.M. Montgomery. I bought this because so many bloggers have raved about it but it looks like a cheesy romance. It has put me off reading it for almost two years.
I'm pretty sure that the reason we all hate the Bridget Jones cover is because it looks like a blow up doll, not a real person...really, who wants to be one the train reading a book that looks like it's about blow up dolls?ReplyDelete
Haha! I'm definitely with you on alot of these, especially the romance novels and the crotch shots.ReplyDelete
Oh, wow. The other two Sarah Dessens don't bother me, but that middle one! WHAT were they thinking?!ReplyDelete
Great topic! Great choices! Love your explanations. You had me laughing first thing this morning. You are spot on with everything you said!ReplyDelete
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"You're just... weird-looking."ReplyDelete
Hahaha. Love this post. Love you, Capillya.
I agree with The Great Gatsby - that cover has just GOT to go.ReplyDelete
This post was hysterical, thank you for sharing! I agree with all of them!ReplyDelete
Those crotch shots are hysterical, especially the middle one. Who thought that was a good idea?? Awesome post.ReplyDelete
Aww, I kind of like the floaty eyes on the cover of The Great Gatsby. They're creepy but eyes need love too!ReplyDelete
This chick. She never fails to make me laugh. And DUDE WTF IS UP WITH THE CROTCH SHOTS, seriously? You see CREASES and that shizz doesn't fly with me.ReplyDelete
Love this list! And YOU!
Never seen that Swimming Sweet Arrow cover -- ugghhhh! I totally agree.ReplyDelete
But I love that North of Beautiful cover -- the compass, and the birthmark thing, you know -- I thought it was a good cover for that book -- maybe not all that original, I guess.
The Cover Girl is hilarious! I agree with every point. I wish my post was that funny.ReplyDelete
The "crotch" covers win the day. How embarassing and hilarious once you pointed them out!!!ReplyDelete
this post was hilarious--thanks for starting my day with a laugh. Kaye—the road goes ever ever onReplyDelete
I've got to say I loved your post, it had me laughing out loud and nodding my head. An enthusiastic amen to the PDA, showing of the crotch, and using the same models.ReplyDelete
I agree with what you said about Bridgett Jones' Diary. That cover was just weird.ReplyDelete
You have taken interesting covers. Some of those do need to be redesigned! Some covers are So trashy! I have posted about that.ReplyDelete
Here is my Top Ten post!
I agree on pretty much everything! Especially the Perfect Chemistry thing, I don't understand the need for PDAs on the front of books either!ReplyDelete
This was my first time participating in Top Ten Tuesday! What fun!ReplyDelete
I was going to put Bridget's Jones' Diary as well -- but it is so creepy I didn't want to have to see it on my blog. LOLReplyDelete
#3's example cover is the PERFECT representation of classic horrible romance novel covers. I seriously laughed out loud when I saw the cover and read the title. Who comes up with this stuff????ReplyDelete
I think ever cover for The Great Gatsby has been hideous. Maybe, that's why I've never read it, lol.ReplyDelete
That Bridget Jones is scary! I had a copy when it was newly published and it had a fairly tasteful silhouette of a woman on it.ReplyDelete
My Google Blogger has been acting up for a couple of weeks so it took me several hours to get my post to where it looked reasonably okay. Jeez. Anyway, it was a lot of fun despite that. I love Top Ten Tuesdays.ReplyDelete
It's now posted.
Great post! I think I agree with all of these. I have a special something against these half-naked men with awful looking bodies. Yuck!ReplyDelete
Love it! I think this is my favorite Top Ten post yet. Your explanations and the way you presented them are hysterical (and spot-on)!ReplyDelete
Yea, what's with the crotch shot in the middle Dessen book? Not to be all gross and stuff, but camel toes do not belong on book covers. Or anywhere else, for that matter.ReplyDelete
That middle "crotch shot" book made me laugh out loud. It is borderline pornographic.ReplyDelete
I like Dessen's books but not because of the covers. I mentioned Keeping the Moon in my post.ReplyDelete
Thanks for the good laugh! I also have a thing with covers with eyes staring at me on them (I mentioned 1984), so creepy.ReplyDelete
The last one about the crotch shots was hilarious!
I love the file name for the last picture-- "hoo-has.jpg". That gave me a good laugh. I don't actually mind some of the crotch shot book covers, but there is something about the cover of Swimming Sweet Arrow that just screams TMI!ReplyDelete
Sorry I'm so late to commenting -- I am so glad a lot of you enjoyed this post!ReplyDelete
I think there was some misunderstanding on three-way tie for #10 -- there's only one Dessen book, THAT SUMMER. But they are all crotcherrific, that's for sure!
Great post - I have signed up for next week's Top Ten (for the first time).ReplyDelete
Awesome post - particularly your comments about crotch shots! I have to agree that that version of Bridget Jones is HORRIFIC and while Gatsby's one of my very favourite novels of all time the cover is awful.ReplyDelete